This is part of a series I am writing on my journey as an athlete with life-changing back pain. I am sharing it because when you go through something like this as an athlete it can change your very definition of who you are, it can feel incredibly isolating, it can feel like you will never get better, and it can be challenging to figure out the right ‘help’. I have been lucky enough to get better and return to ‘almost’ the me I knew before, and in some cases a better me. I am sharing my story because if you have gone through it, or are, I want you to know you are not alone and there is hope.
The hardest part about the pain I found myself in in 2024 was that I could not pinpoint the cause and I could not exactly determine when it started. Had I done something? And if so, when? Did I try to lift too heavy in Core + Strength Class? Was it from biking? Was it menopause transition related? Overexercise? Did I step off the trainer ‘wrong’? WHAT?! We are so trained to seek out a ‘cause’ when something goes wrong that not being able to pinpoint a source in order to find a solution is mentally excruciating, and of course it doesn’t solve the ‘mysterious’ pain.
What I eventually learned from my growing care team was that there may not have been a ‘cause’, sometimes the origin of pain is not definable. However, regardless of the origin, there may be a solution. I had to learn to be okay with not knowing the reason. But I was definitely not going to be okay with living with the pain, and I was determined to find a solution.
So let’s start at not the beginning, but…. When things went sideways
At the end of April 2024 I found myself yet again dealing with a workout set back. During the MPT transition I was constantly climbing towards a goal, only to fall off a cliff, have to get through the lows, and would start climbing again. This time it felt different, it felt more serious. Something went sideways.
I remember saying to Selene Yaeger when she interviewed me in September of 2024 that it is hard to know “Is it me, or is it menopause?” (possibly a series title I may start using). At this time of life it can be very difficult to tell.
I had absolutely no idea what the problem was, but I knew I was having pain. And the pain was different this time, it was actually changing and showing up in multiple places, and getting worse. Eventually I learned that where you feel pain can be very different than the origin of the pain.
So as things continued to go sideways, I tried different approaches to alleviate the pain. What I learned is that not everything works, but it was definitely worth trying. I will be talking about these in Part 2.
Unfortunately along with the trying, I found myself at a pain crescendo in October 2024…
On October 29, 2024 Kurt and I went for a ride, my last ride before things went completely sideways. I was not feeling great before this ride and wanted to go so I could ‘work things out’ and feel better (that had worked recently). Beyond the opposite happened.
On October 30, 2024 I had been up all night in severe pain ~ what I call ‘beyond level 20 pain’ and called my PT office first thing in the morning, crying. I knew I didn’t want to go to the general ER because how would they know how to help me? PT urged me to go to Orthopedic Urgent Care, which I did not even know was a thing. Somehow I drove myself there and it was then that I received what was the right diagnosis:
ASSESSMENT AND PLAN: Right lumbar radiculopathy with piriformis syndrome. We will do an MRI of the lumbar spine, prednisone trial, physical therapy, and follow up afterwards.
This was a turning point in what was becoming a very long year of medical visits. The first of which was a physical therapy consult on July 16, 2024 (more on that in Part 2), and ending with a post-op ‘green light’ visit on July 9, 2025. But that year has extended into two, because ~ recovery (Part 3).
What has become increasingly clear in retrospect is that my back issue likely did not ‘just happen’. Yes things abruptly went sideways, but there had been some niggles. A few weeks where I thought the ‘hot potato’ was the cause of my inability to put on socks. That time during covid where it really hurt below my knee and wasn’t going away. My increasingly poor performance on bike rides that I solely attributed to the menopause transition (when I figured that out). But I suspect now that my back issue had been going on for quite awhile and began showing up in my body in these different ways. I also suspect genetics had something to do with it; my mom went through the same issues at the same age and eventually had two back surgeries.
What I have learned through it all is that yes ~ sometimes life goes sideways, sometimes it completely derails you, there is often no easy fix, you have to try some things, unexpected challenge can be a defining moment but you have to work hard to not let it define you, listen to your gut, keep pushing and you might find a solution, and if you do ~ hold onto that blessing because you know you are one of the lucky ones to make it to the other side.