When I started thinking about writing about menopause in my mid-forties, I had no idea how quickly time would go and how quickly the void would be filled by other GenX women. I couldn’t keep up with these amazing women, and I couldn’t keep up with myself. I had so many things planned out in my head that I wanted to write about and share. But before I knew it, I found myself unknowingly navigating my way through this challenging time, and significant years of my life had gone by. I now find myself a bit shocked to be turning 55 this year. These are precious days my friends, and I do not want to lose any more ~ nor do I want you to. So here I am ready to begin again in this space and share all my experiences and knowledge about menopause, because I can confidently say that I have become a ‘subject matter expert’.
The hardest part has been navigating from not only one menopause transition challenge to the next, but life challenges as well. What most disappoints me is how much time I have lost because of both how little I knew, and where life took me. You only get one go-round and to feel like you missed years figuring things out and dealing has been extremely disappointing. I am disappointed in myself a bit, but really I am most disappointed in how little I knew because of how little information there was to help me.
I distinctly remember thinking in my forties that I never wanted to be one of those ‘sad older women’, but wow I got there.
First of all, I had no idea when it started the tumult late perimenopause would cause in my life, especially as an athlete, because I had no idea what late perimenopause was or would be like. And then just as I was getting on my feet, my back took me on a journey I never could have predicted. And just as that got better, I lost my furry best friend Inge, my Dad, my job, and stumbled through a year navigating it all alone while my spouse has been working overseas. Before I knew it I lost a lot of precious time and it feels like I am still digging out.
Not only did the Wheels Fall Off, but metaphorically I completely lost the bike.
I have been so immersed in the challenges of this time of life, and so tired of thinking about and dealing with menopause that taking the time and focus to write has been hard. I found myself trying to get through, and then just wanting to move on. I found that my initial desire to write and share went to a mental space of not wanting to deal. I can see why when GenX women have asked their mothers what menopause was like for them, their mothers typically can not recall. Rather than letting a challenge define your life there is a definite instinct to forget and move on. To not become defined by one moment in your life. Menopause at points really became all too consuming for me, punctuated by an all-consuming back pain. And after two years of constant medical visits I have wanted nothing more than to get myself and my time back.
But if menopause has taught me anything, it is that I will never get myself or my time back and that I will never be the person I was before. Before the menopause transition, before back surgery, before my body changed, before one hell of a year that quite nearly broke me. So in an effort to have a lot fewer ‘sad older ladies’ in the world, including myself, I feel it is important to acknowledge, accept, and share in order to move forward.
My intent with this space is to now catch up with myself and to begin (again) sharing my GenX/Menopause journey in hopes it helps to bring some humanity and understanding to what for many is a misunderstood and under-understood time of life. I am confident that with the work my generation is doing that the path ahead will be easier for those that follow and who chose to address changes with eyes wide open and a good knowledge bank in place.
I have just made it through what has been the most challenging five years of my life. But rather than sitting down and writing a book about my experience, I will let the story unfold. I am finally going to write about all those ideas in my head after what has been year after year of making it through one difficult moment to the next. Because here I sit on what feels a bit like the other side, and an understanding with myself that I cannot get those years back so I better make the most of where I am now and what lies ahead.